The Shitennou Watch the Emoji Movie
by The REAL Doakes
Summary: The Shitennou are excited when Jadeite gets them all tickets to see a movie. But which movie did he pick for them to see? Only time will tell.


"Guys," said Jadeite, walking into the Negaverse. "I got us some movie tix."

"Oh boy!" said Zoisite. "What movie?"

Jadeite looked at his tickets and frowned. "I'd rather not say. How about you just accept they are free tickets, and leave it as a surprise?"

"I hope it's not a bad surprise," said Nephrite.

"Uh…" said Jadeite. "That's subjective. Let's just head over to the theater now."

They teleported to the movie theater.

"Here are my tickets," said Jadeite to the attendant.

Kunzite tried to take a peek at the movie the tickets were for, but it was in microscopic writing.

"Let's go get some snacks," suggested Jadeite, still a bit nervous on how the others would react to his movie pick.

They got in line but the line was long.

"Let's just skip the snacks," said Zoisite. "I want to head to the theater and find out what our movie is."

"No," said Nephrite. "I can't watch a good movie without popcorn. This is a good movie, right Jadeite?"

"Yes," said Jadeite.

"Good, good!" said Nephrite. "I'll take an extra-large, with butter!"

"K," said the worker, handing him an overflowing sack of popcorn that dropped kernels on the floor every time he moved.

"Hey, where's the butter machine?" asked Nephrite.

They pointed him to the butter machine and he started pouring it on.

He stood at the butter machine for ten minutes.

"Alright, that's enough," said Jadeite. "We're gonna miss the movie!"

Kunzite finally got to the front of the line. "I'll take a Sour Patch Kids and a small diet Coke."

"That will be 26 bucks, sir," said Motoki, who was running the snack bar.

"Well that can't be right," said Kunzite, killing Motoki.

But it was right, so he just took the food and headed on his way.

The Shitennou walked into the theater and sat down in the middle.

Zoisite put his legs on some kid's head.

"This is gonna be good!" said Jed, starting to catch a giddy.

Kunzite went to grab some popcorn but Nephrite slapped his hand away.

"You should have got your own," said Nephrite.

"But you got the family size!" argued Kunzite. "I thought that was for all of us!"

"No," said Nephrite.

"Alright, I'll be back," said Kunzite. "I'm going to get some popcorn."

"No, don't," said Zoisite. "You'll miss the previews."

Kunzite sat back down and they watched the first preview.

"The Emoji Movie!" began the preview.

They watched the preview.

"Uh, that's so cringey!" said Zoisite.

Kunzite had a look of pure disgust.

Nephrite stopped eating his popcorn because his stomach felt nauseous. "I've never seen anything so cringey," said Nephrite.

"Heh heh," chuckled Jadeite nervously. "I don't know, maybe it's good!"

"Impossible," said Kunzite. "Even if those are the only cringey scenes in the movie, it's still too much cringe."

"A pure cringefest," said Zoisite.

"Heh heh," repeated Jadeite.

That's when the movie came on.

"The Emoji Movie!" said the title.

The Shitennou turned to Jadeite.

Zoisite got up and went for the door.

"NO!" cried Jadeite. "Just give it a chance! The tickets were expensive!"

"Alright," said Zoisite. "But one cringe and I'm out of here."

But before he was able to make it to his seat, there was a large cringe, and he headed to the door again.

Jadeite used his telepathic powers to lock up the exits.

"We're watching the movie!" shouted Jadeite.

"Kunzite, say something!" said Zoisite.

"Maybe it will be funny, in a pathetic sort of way," considered Kunzite. "Let's give it a chance."

Zoisite reluctantly sat back down and prepared for some cringes.

* * *

The emojis walked into the bathroom.

That's when two poops came out of the stall, a father and a son.

"We're number 2! We're number 2!" they chanted.

Zoisite cringed so hard that his face went inside-out permanently.

Kunzite took out a pistol, but before he could shoot himself another cringe threw itself his way.

His heart itself took out a gun and shot himself, thus causing Kunzite to slump over in his seat.

"Come on now," said Jadeite, shivering from the cringes. "You guys are just being dramatic!"

The next scene was the hand emoji eating a candy corn.

"Spit that out!" said his emoji comrade.

The hand spit it out.

"Don't you do it," warned the other emoji.

But then the hand put the candy corn back in his mouth and ate it.

A shiver went down the Shitennou's spines.

"I wanna go home," said Nephrite, crying. Nephrite couldn't handle many more cringes.

"Oh no," said Jadeite. "Here comes the poo emoji again. Hopefully he won't say anything cringey."

But Nephrite wasn't taking any chances. He took his own life before something cringey could happen.

"Come on now!" exclaimed Jadeite. "Soon it will get to the plot and the cringes will stop!"

"No," said Zoisite. "We're like an hour in, and it's only getting increasingly cringey."

* * *

Jadeite looked around, and saw that Nephrite and Kunzite were dead and Zoisite was in inhuman pain.

"I will make it through this movie for the sake of mankind," stated Jadeite.

"Oh no!" cried the boy with the phone. "I sent the wrong emoji to my crush!"

"What the heck?" said the crush when she got the wrong emoji.

Jadeite pulled out a flamethrower and burnt down the movie theater.

He covered himself in gasoline and leapt into the blaze.

THE END


End file.
